Rather than love, wealth or happiness, give me truth.
I wish I wrote something down in my diary every day. I wish, everyday in my life, I could recall, save the feelings I felt that day, good or bad, and recall when I want to feel like that. Happy to be happy, or sad because I want to remind myself. I am glad this is not possible, though. Imagine being able to do this, it would destroy you.
I really wish I had a diary. I am going to start one now. I am not going to write a lot, I may not even write a sentence. Maybe I will just write one word to describe the day. It will be a beautiful book I will write in. And there is going to be quotes. I love words more than I love do pictures, I think. I probably think words are the most beautiful thing this world offers. Communication. I think this is what I am good at. I can communicate. I should try to write more. Maybe I could even be an author one day. I actually don’t think I will be. But I know how much I cherrish words. The are beauty, close and far. They even look amazing. Take a look at this.
One moment.
Isn’t this beautiful? Words are the most inspiring thing I can find. I want to read more. Poetry is the most beautiful thing on earth. I’ll spend a lot of time with books soon. I am going to be a lot of interesting books. I will take them with me, into nowhere, in march. Nowhere. I am soon going to be nowhere. I think I need a severy break. I need to quit being all this. I need to get down to earth again, live with less as possible. Live with food and water and the nature, an instrument and many books. All my life I chased material. We all do that, sadly. Soon I will go on a journey to discover things more supernatural. Live a simple life. Find myself. I have to find myself. I love and I hate this journey. This part of the journey. I hate the fact that I am trying to chase down to the end of it and I love the fact that I know this journey is going to form who I am going to be. I need open roads. I have them in front of me. I want to live with as little as is fitting on my back. I want this to be simple yet explaining. I will spend time with myself. Think about what I want what I am able to and what I expect this to be. I need to form myself now. We are not born the way we are supposed to be, we learn everyday, the real goal is the journey itself. I want to live at the end of my comfort zone. This is where life begins. I want to experiment with words, with music, I want to work, work hard, fall to an uncomfortable bed at the end of the day, not being capable of moving anymore. I want to have wounds on my hands and blisters on my feet. I want to sweat dirt and all the bad thoughts, out of my head. I want to let go. I want to learn from people. I want to hear their stories and what life means to them. I want them to tell me about fairies and spirits they believe in. I want them to show me their truth, and even though I do know I will never completely understand with my mindset, I will try as much as I can. I will chase truth, a story, my story. Clarity. I will chase it until I find it. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Or where I want to be. Everyday, my mind changes, and I can’t believe people in my age made decisions about it already. How would you know? Every day I feel like something is changing so quickly. Yesterday I thought I want to be rich one day. Today I feel like I want to be poor. I saw poor people being more happy than rich ones, so why should I aim for it. I think my soul will guide my body. And it is longing for all these parts that will make me one day. It is longing for so much ability. I will gain it. And one day, maybe tomorrow, maybe in one year, I will know what I want to be. I will wake up and I will know. Then I will make decisions. I will decide if i study again, or if I can start working immediately, or if I need to do something else for it. I think every time you travel somewhere, you learn more. Traveling is the best way to learn, in my eyes. People are the best lesson you can learn. And I’ll find that someone to open these black and blury eyes and show me the truth I was chasing.
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